Happy Thanksgiving to anyone who reads this blog!
I had an eventful one...as usual. We always have huge get togethers during the holidays. I would prefer a quiet, quaint, small gathering, but that just never happens in my family. Just way too many people!
Work was good today. I feel like I did some good. I worked extra hard with one patient in particular. He wore me out! Other than that, there's not much else to talk about today. OHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I started going back to the gym today!!! I'm sooooooo excited; I can't express how much I miss the gym. Before I tell the story of how I got off track, I'd have to tell the story of how I got involved in the gym and the health and fitness industry altogether. Another story for another time!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Eyes and Ears Open...Mouth Shut
This is how I operate at work. I've always believed that those who talk a lot miss a lot, and those who are silent see much. I've always been an observer. I like to get my feet wet, adjust to the temperature, then jump in! I've always been a good judge of character. It's always served me well. I know who I can and cannot trust. I got the news of my acceptance to PA school about two months ago. Only two of my coworkers know anything about it. Even the PA that comes in twice a week doesn't know.
I was elated to hear that we had a PA on staff at work! Once I got my acceptance letter, I was even more excited. I planned on asking to shadow her, and I wanted to talk with her about PA experience. I quickly changed my mind once I saw her interaction with fellow coworkers and patients. I'll never forget her lack of bedside manner when listening to the lung sounds of one of my patients. I'll never forget how she laughed as the nurses tried to make fools of me and the other CNA's. And today...today took the cake! A patient was rolling down the hall in her wheelchair as the PA walked by. The patient asked if she was a doctor, to which she quickly replied, "No, I'm a PA." The patient asked what a PA was. Without missing a beat, she replied, "A parking attendant," all while walking towards the nurses station to join the bunch of laughing idiots awaiting her. It made me sick to my stomach.
The PA profession is still very young, and largely unknown. Heck, I only heard of PA's two years ago. I would think any PA, if presented with this scenario, would jump at the chance to explain their role in healthcare. But this PA didn't. Instead she took the opportunity to mock the profession that she associates herself with. Why? Does she wish she were a doctor? I don't know, but I sure wish she were a better representative for the profession. Thank goodness I didn't confide in her about school. She probably would have made me the laughing stock of the nursing home. Keeping your eyes open and your mouth shut sure does pay off.
I was elated to hear that we had a PA on staff at work! Once I got my acceptance letter, I was even more excited. I planned on asking to shadow her, and I wanted to talk with her about PA experience. I quickly changed my mind once I saw her interaction with fellow coworkers and patients. I'll never forget her lack of bedside manner when listening to the lung sounds of one of my patients. I'll never forget how she laughed as the nurses tried to make fools of me and the other CNA's. And today...today took the cake! A patient was rolling down the hall in her wheelchair as the PA walked by. The patient asked if she was a doctor, to which she quickly replied, "No, I'm a PA." The patient asked what a PA was. Without missing a beat, she replied, "A parking attendant," all while walking towards the nurses station to join the bunch of laughing idiots awaiting her. It made me sick to my stomach.
The PA profession is still very young, and largely unknown. Heck, I only heard of PA's two years ago. I would think any PA, if presented with this scenario, would jump at the chance to explain their role in healthcare. But this PA didn't. Instead she took the opportunity to mock the profession that she associates herself with. Why? Does she wish she were a doctor? I don't know, but I sure wish she were a better representative for the profession. Thank goodness I didn't confide in her about school. She probably would have made me the laughing stock of the nursing home. Keeping your eyes open and your mouth shut sure does pay off.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Carpe Diem
In healthcare, the best part of the job is always the patients. In the nursing home, everyone has their favorites, and even favorites are subject to change depending on the day, the circumstances, or the meds (or lack thereof) being administered!
I love Mr. D! He's the one that drives everyone else crazy with his hollering and screaming, his pinning for his deceased wife, and his incontinence. But I simply adore him! Today was his day on my favorites list. He's a constant favorite for me, because we are a lot alike. Mr. D is an overachiever. He served as a fighter pilot in Vietnam and Korea. He is a business owner. He has an air of assertiveness, but he can be gentle, caring, and kind. He is a wealth of knowledge and wisdom! He knows a lot about a lot!
Today, I had the opportunity to sit down and talk with him. He spoke with me about his life and how he felt he had lost his purpose. He told me that his plans for his life did not align with the plans his family had for him. He said he was frustrated because he in essence had no plans. I gently tried to get him to delve a bit deeper by asking questions. I wanted to know what his plans were, what he wanted to do most, and if he felt like a failure. He said he wanted to travel: South America and Southern France were at the top of his list. He said he was alone, old, and had no plans for the future. He was proud of his accomplishments, yet he wanted more! Still, he kept using the word "plans." For Mr. D, it's not about the desitination, it's about the journey. Simply having a goal in mind, and pursuing that goal, was enough to keep him young, fresh, vibrant...alive!
The most profound thing he said to me was this: "I just long for things that ought to be, that will probably never be." I tried to reassure him. I tried to give him hope. A hopeless man is a dying man.
He then asked me what my plans were. We sat in silence for what seemed like eternity, until I realized that my shift was quickly coming to an end, and I had a few more patients that needed tending to. At the end of the day as I headed for the exit door, I stopped by Mr. D's room to wish him a good evening, and to tell him that I would be back tomorrow. He held my hand and said, "Ok, see ya tomorrow." I walked into work today tired, defeated, frustrated because I hate my job, and at times, my life. I walked out of work dedicated to a new cause: to live each day as if it were my last; to leave lasting impressions on every person I meet; to tell my family and friends every day how much I love them; to be the BEST at all things; to enjoy the PROCESS; to slow down; to remember just how blessed I am; to live, love, and have no regrets!
Carpe Diem.
I love Mr. D! He's the one that drives everyone else crazy with his hollering and screaming, his pinning for his deceased wife, and his incontinence. But I simply adore him! Today was his day on my favorites list. He's a constant favorite for me, because we are a lot alike. Mr. D is an overachiever. He served as a fighter pilot in Vietnam and Korea. He is a business owner. He has an air of assertiveness, but he can be gentle, caring, and kind. He is a wealth of knowledge and wisdom! He knows a lot about a lot!
Today, I had the opportunity to sit down and talk with him. He spoke with me about his life and how he felt he had lost his purpose. He told me that his plans for his life did not align with the plans his family had for him. He said he was frustrated because he in essence had no plans. I gently tried to get him to delve a bit deeper by asking questions. I wanted to know what his plans were, what he wanted to do most, and if he felt like a failure. He said he wanted to travel: South America and Southern France were at the top of his list. He said he was alone, old, and had no plans for the future. He was proud of his accomplishments, yet he wanted more! Still, he kept using the word "plans." For Mr. D, it's not about the desitination, it's about the journey. Simply having a goal in mind, and pursuing that goal, was enough to keep him young, fresh, vibrant...alive!
The most profound thing he said to me was this: "I just long for things that ought to be, that will probably never be." I tried to reassure him. I tried to give him hope. A hopeless man is a dying man.
He then asked me what my plans were. We sat in silence for what seemed like eternity, until I realized that my shift was quickly coming to an end, and I had a few more patients that needed tending to. At the end of the day as I headed for the exit door, I stopped by Mr. D's room to wish him a good evening, and to tell him that I would be back tomorrow. He held my hand and said, "Ok, see ya tomorrow." I walked into work today tired, defeated, frustrated because I hate my job, and at times, my life. I walked out of work dedicated to a new cause: to live each day as if it were my last; to leave lasting impressions on every person I meet; to tell my family and friends every day how much I love them; to be the BEST at all things; to enjoy the PROCESS; to slow down; to remember just how blessed I am; to live, love, and have no regrets!
Carpe Diem.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Mental Exhaustion
It's one of the greatest feelings...ever. Work always leaves me physically drained, but yesterday I really wanted some sort of mental stimulation. So, I went to a concert performance of John Adam's opera, Dr. Atomic.
Now, I'll be the first to admit my disdain for contemporary classical works. I usually hate them, hands down. But last night, the music, the lyrics, the story, and the singers all came together! It was a lovely performance of a great work. I have no doubt that this work will become standard American repertoire. Perhaps it may take the death of Adams to realize how much of a gem this work is. It usually happens that way. The cast was great save one: Meredith Arwady. I remember she won the MET National Council Auditions some years ago. She was a mess then, and she's a mess now. I question if she is even a contralto. I don't know. It seems like in order to get anywhere these days as a singer, all you have to do is be "different." The funny thing is, there isn't much "difference" between her and many other contemporary singers. I always find myself listening to the legends. Now, those were singers!
The opera began at 8pm sharp. I didn't leave the concert hall until 11:30pm. We just didn't want the show to end. Applause rang out as each singer took their bows. And then, to the suprise of us all, came Mr. John Adams himself walking across the stage! It felt like a historical moment. The opera is about J. Oppenheimer, TheManhattan Project, and the test shot of the first atomic bomb. Instead of coming up with an original libretto, Adams uses popular sonnets and poems to describe the tension, the doubts, and the fear surrouding this secret project. I really enjoyed the ending when the bomb goes off! Wonderful work. I would like to see it again.
I sat still for 3 and a half hours, listening, experiencing, reacting, contemplating. I left the hall exhausted. I am still exhausted. Thank God, I have the weekend off.
Now, I'll be the first to admit my disdain for contemporary classical works. I usually hate them, hands down. But last night, the music, the lyrics, the story, and the singers all came together! It was a lovely performance of a great work. I have no doubt that this work will become standard American repertoire. Perhaps it may take the death of Adams to realize how much of a gem this work is. It usually happens that way. The cast was great save one: Meredith Arwady. I remember she won the MET National Council Auditions some years ago. She was a mess then, and she's a mess now. I question if she is even a contralto. I don't know. It seems like in order to get anywhere these days as a singer, all you have to do is be "different." The funny thing is, there isn't much "difference" between her and many other contemporary singers. I always find myself listening to the legends. Now, those were singers!
The opera began at 8pm sharp. I didn't leave the concert hall until 11:30pm. We just didn't want the show to end. Applause rang out as each singer took their bows. And then, to the suprise of us all, came Mr. John Adams himself walking across the stage! It felt like a historical moment. The opera is about J. Oppenheimer, TheManhattan Project, and the test shot of the first atomic bomb. Instead of coming up with an original libretto, Adams uses popular sonnets and poems to describe the tension, the doubts, and the fear surrouding this secret project. I really enjoyed the ending when the bomb goes off! Wonderful work. I would like to see it again.
I sat still for 3 and a half hours, listening, experiencing, reacting, contemplating. I left the hall exhausted. I am still exhausted. Thank God, I have the weekend off.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Hanging in there
Isn't that what life is all about? Doing the best you can, today. Surviving today. Hanging in there until the next opportunity comes around. This is what makes life exciting and unbearable.
I spent my off day doing what I never do...resting! Ah, it was wonderful. I just curled up on the couch with my puppy Lincoln, and we slept the day away. It was pure bliss. Of course, this was after spending the morning searching and applying for a new job. Work, then rest...in that order! I go back to the hellhole tomorrow.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. As much as I hate going to work everyday, I do love the job. The job of a CNA is not glamorous. It is as close to the bottom of the barrel as one can get, but I love it. I love the patients, and in spite of the mindless duties I have, I love the work! It's the poisonous atmosphere, the supervisors, and the idiots in white coats that I detest. They ruin it for me. I'm hoping that once I add PA-C to the end of my name, all of this will go away. Or is that unrealistic? Is healthcare the same everywhere? I haven't worked everywhere, but if all facilities are run the way mine is, healthcare is NOT for me. I find myself comparing my facility to the ones I visited when I was shadowing. I...LOVED...SHADOWING! The cameraderie, the ease, the challenge of the workload, the patients; this is why I submitted my PA application. I could see myself working in that environment. I admired those people, yet I can't find a single person like that where I work. It's mind-numbing, and it's frustrating. I think what frustrates me the most is working with supervisors who can barely string a decent English sentence together; who call patients crybabies to their faces; who have no people skills; who only know how to be aggressive rather than assertive. My hope is that climbing up the totem pole will somehow put me above all the BS. That is my hope, as unrealistic as it may seem. Your thoughts?
I spent my off day doing what I never do...resting! Ah, it was wonderful. I just curled up on the couch with my puppy Lincoln, and we slept the day away. It was pure bliss. Of course, this was after spending the morning searching and applying for a new job. Work, then rest...in that order! I go back to the hellhole tomorrow.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. As much as I hate going to work everyday, I do love the job. The job of a CNA is not glamorous. It is as close to the bottom of the barrel as one can get, but I love it. I love the patients, and in spite of the mindless duties I have, I love the work! It's the poisonous atmosphere, the supervisors, and the idiots in white coats that I detest. They ruin it for me. I'm hoping that once I add PA-C to the end of my name, all of this will go away. Or is that unrealistic? Is healthcare the same everywhere? I haven't worked everywhere, but if all facilities are run the way mine is, healthcare is NOT for me. I find myself comparing my facility to the ones I visited when I was shadowing. I...LOVED...SHADOWING! The cameraderie, the ease, the challenge of the workload, the patients; this is why I submitted my PA application. I could see myself working in that environment. I admired those people, yet I can't find a single person like that where I work. It's mind-numbing, and it's frustrating. I think what frustrates me the most is working with supervisors who can barely string a decent English sentence together; who call patients crybabies to their faces; who have no people skills; who only know how to be aggressive rather than assertive. My hope is that climbing up the totem pole will somehow put me above all the BS. That is my hope, as unrealistic as it may seem. Your thoughts?
Ode to Callas
Callas,
From the very start I fell in love with you,
I fell in love with your artistry, your passion, your fire,
Your mastery of music, your fearlessness,
but most of all your willingness to be vulnerable.
Music can be all encompassing.
It can mesmerize you,
and make of you what it wants you to be,
It can leave you breathless, hopeless, loveless,
It can make you feel that you own the world,
It is lovely and frightnening all at once.
There must be millions of emotions that exist,
Through your voice, your spirit,
I feel I am able to experience each and every one.
I thank you for living, breathing, and bleeding music.
Thank you for doing what I was too afraid to do.
Thank you for your selflessness,
(to be an artist of your caliber, you must be selfless),
Thank you for sacrificing all that you loved,
so that you could give the world the gift of music.
I am eternally grateful.
From the very start I fell in love with you,
I fell in love with your artistry, your passion, your fire,
Your mastery of music, your fearlessness,
but most of all your willingness to be vulnerable.
Music can be all encompassing.
It can mesmerize you,
and make of you what it wants you to be,
It can leave you breathless, hopeless, loveless,
It can make you feel that you own the world,
It is lovely and frightnening all at once.
There must be millions of emotions that exist,
Through your voice, your spirit,
I feel I am able to experience each and every one.
I thank you for living, breathing, and bleeding music.
Thank you for doing what I was too afraid to do.
Thank you for your selflessness,
(to be an artist of your caliber, you must be selfless),
Thank you for sacrificing all that you loved,
so that you could give the world the gift of music.
I am eternally grateful.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Progress
I remember shadowing with Holly early on in my quest to become a Physician Assistant. I had just begun submitting applications, and I was feeling the pressure. I remember telling her how happy I would be once I got accepted, because I wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore. I will never forget what her response was: "No. Once you get your acceptance letter, there will be other things to worry about. Financial aid, relocating, finishing prerequisite courses, gaining healthcare experience...there will always be something to worry about." Boy, was she right!
So, I successfully completed my phlebotomy training course yesterday, and left the clinic looking like a blood donor. Both arms were bandaged. I got stuck 5 times, and got to stick 5 times. It was exhilarating; I have never done any type of invasive procedure before. Out of the 5 times I stuck someone, I got a flashback 2 times, I think. The last time I attempted the vacutainer method, I got a full vile of blood, and I did it all by myself! Talk about a rush. Now, that was just blood drawing. I can't imagine how I will feel when I get to do my first injection, or my first surgery. I have definitely made the right career choice! It feels good to have this skill under my belt, but I am a long way from mastery. My goal now is to find employment where I can use this skill on a daily basis. Practice makes perfect!
I'm also very happy that I am making progress as it pertains to earning my degree. I finally spoke to the powers that be today, and we have a clear goal set to finish this thing once and for all. The best news is I will not be required to relocate. I can complete the requirements right here in my hometown. By the end of spring I should be a college graduate. It's been a long time coming!
So, I successfully completed my phlebotomy training course yesterday, and left the clinic looking like a blood donor. Both arms were bandaged. I got stuck 5 times, and got to stick 5 times. It was exhilarating; I have never done any type of invasive procedure before. Out of the 5 times I stuck someone, I got a flashback 2 times, I think. The last time I attempted the vacutainer method, I got a full vile of blood, and I did it all by myself! Talk about a rush. Now, that was just blood drawing. I can't imagine how I will feel when I get to do my first injection, or my first surgery. I have definitely made the right career choice! It feels good to have this skill under my belt, but I am a long way from mastery. My goal now is to find employment where I can use this skill on a daily basis. Practice makes perfect!
I'm also very happy that I am making progress as it pertains to earning my degree. I finally spoke to the powers that be today, and we have a clear goal set to finish this thing once and for all. The best news is I will not be required to relocate. I can complete the requirements right here in my hometown. By the end of spring I should be a college graduate. It's been a long time coming!
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