Resting on My Laurels

Rest? What in the world is that?

I wouldn't consider myself a Type A kind of person, but I do have Type A tendencies. I am a multitasker. I like having multiple things going on at once. I thrive in 'organized chaos' environments. I am a can-do type of person!

I don't like the idea of rest. As much as I crave it after a long work week, I usually spend my off days trying to find something to do. And not just some thing...it has to be productive: cooking, cleaning, reading, learning. As my mother would say, I'm always searching for something. How would she know? Probably because she and I are identical in nature!

So, what's my latest project? Phlebotomy! Yes, I have decided to take a phlebotomy course at a local training center. There is no one at my job who is willing to teach me, and this is one of the many skills I should master before starting PA school. So, in two weeks I can add phlebotomist to my short list of credentials! I'm hoping that my CNA/Phleb certifications can land me a job in a hospital setting. That will afford me the opportunity to really get some clinical skills under my belt.

It's Officially Official

As the saying goes, always get it in writing! Well, I did! I finally got my acceptance letter in the mail today! All those feelings are coming back again. It's unreal that this time next year, I will be packing and moving to a new city, all by myself, where I know no one. It's interesting to also think that perhaps two months into my stay, I will have made close, lifelong friends. Everyone says your classmates in PA school become your family away from home. I really look forward to that.

Vindication

Ah...feels good to be home. I have a great evening planned: dinner with a cup of hot tea, and Grey's Anatomy Season 5! I know, I know, but when you've spent the last few years taking prerequisite courses for PA school, you don't have the luxury of watching too much television.

So, I'm at work...working, minding my business, when the social worker comes down my hall to give a guest a tour of our facility. She's doing her very best to impress the guest. As she makes her way down the hall, she stops in front of one of my patients:

Social Worker: "SLP, should this lady be drinking her shake without a straw? You need to go ask the nurse if she can drink this with a straw. We don't want her to choke."

Me: "Well, Mrs. Green is on thickened liquids, and patients on thickened liquids should not drink with straws."

SW: "Well, go ask the nurse 'cause we don't need her to be chokin'."

Me: "OK."

So, I make my way to the nurses' station, all the while rolling my eyes and wondering why she tried to make a fool of me in front of company. I find my nurse, straw in hand:

Me: "Is it ok to have Mrs. Green drinking with a straw. The social worker wanted me to ask."

Nurse (the one I can barely stomach because she will smile in your face and talk about you behind your back): "Well, remember, patients on thickened liquids should not drink with straws. It causes them to cough and can lead to aspiration."

Me: "Right. That's what I thought."

As I turn to walk away, the nurse calls me to come back:

Nurse: "You know, I've been meaning to tell you-well, you know, there is nothing wrong with being a CNA, but I really think you have what it takes to be a wonderful nurse. I've been watching you and you're so observant with the patients, and you need to do whatever you can to go back to nursing school. You would make an excellent...well...I can't believe I'm getting emotional about this...yeah, you would make a great nurse."

Me: "Thank you, Nurse."

Where the hell did this come from? I don't play games with people. You know if I like you, and you know if I don't. There is no way she can think I like her, respect her, or admire her. These words of 'encouragement' were coming from a woman who has praised me to my face, but blamed me for messing up to the DON. This is the woman who told me I needed to "step up my game." This is the nurse who rides me all day, and criticizes every thing I do.

If she only knew. If she only knew!

More Rain

I spent the last hour at work laughing with Ms. Mavis-the 100 year-old firecracker-about how she killed two rats in her dorm room back in college! To look into this woman's eyes is to go back in time! She always has great stories to tell...and if you've been reading this so far, you know I love stories! It was just the kind of ending to my day that I needed, because it started out horribly: only myself and one other CNA on the floor with about 45 patients and no nurses in sight to help. Sure, they can tell you what you need to be doing, but don't count on them to pitch in when times get rough. The mood inside the nursing home echoed the one outside: cold, dreary, and wet. I'm so glad to be home...and I have the weekend off!

Playing Hookie

So...day before yesterday I played hookie from work, spent the whole day with the cop, and had a great time! Sometimes, you just need to play hookie!

It's strange; i've been married for a little over a year, and it feels like much longer than that. I guess that's how marriage goes. The ups and the downs...all of it is part of the game, and each challenge makes the marriage stronger. I'm so blessed to have the cop...to have him choose ME! Insane.

Our new admit, WB, is the sweetest, cutest woman! I don't know exactly what's wrong with her, except she is aphasic, severely contracted and emaciated, and has involuntary tremors. I had the pleasure of feeding her yesterday. It was like feeding a newborn baby. I was in awe of her! It pains me sometimes that I am not able to fully communicate with my patients, either because of language barriers or illness. I often wonder who they are, and what they were when they were young, vibrant members of society. I have so many questions to ask them. I want to take walks down memory lane with them, and experience their lives, their passions, their dreams. Everyone has a story! Hearing and sharing stories is by far the best part about being a medical professional.

Loss

Today was one of the best days I've had at work in a long time. The weekday supervisors were off, the nurses allowed you to do your job, and everyone worked together as a team. Why can't every day at work be like this?

Today I found out that we lost a patient on my floor yesterday. JT was a sweet woman; never bossy or demanding. Always low maintenance. She was a bit of a cynic, perhaps because of her condition. She had end stage heart disease, unbeknownst to me and the other CNA's, and was on hospice care. We all knew she wouldn't be with us for long, but I didn't know what she would be dying from, nor did I know she would leave us so soon. She had only been with us for about a month.

When I passed by her bed today, it was empty...neatly made. I knew something was wrong because JT NEVER got out of bed. It broke my heart to hear of her demise. Life is so precious, and we all take it for granted.

Here we go again

So...just got off the phone with my home institution. Yeah, the university I attended over 6 years ago. They are still in the business of giving people the run-around.

I've been accepted to PA school. However, I have been accepted provisionally, meaning there are certain requirements that must be met before I can attend. Finishing my degree is one of those provisions. I have been trying to finish this degree for over 4 years, and every time I try there seems to be a brick wall in my way. Why is it so hard to transfer credits from one place to another? Why do universities look down on community college courses? Why does this have to be so hard?

I have two options: either be allowed to take the one course I need to graduate here at home, or uproot, move miles away from home, and attend school at my home institution. As upset and frustrated as I am, I cannot let anything stand in the way of me and PA school.

Rainy Day

It's scheduled to rain all day today...I should've expected something to go wrong.

So...I arrive to shadow at the hospital, and after waiting one hour I'm told that she is out sick! Talk about a let down. I was really, really looking forward to seeing her. So, I drove home, in the rain, upset and frustrated. I go back to work tomorrow. I really needed to be in the hospital today watching Holly exam patients; talking with her about PA school and what to expect. I needed that fix to keep me going. We are set to reschedule our meeting sometime soon, so at least I have that to look forward to.

The Musician: Part 2

I returned home from school with a desire to sing...anywhere! I needed stage experience, so I began auditioning at all the venues in my area. I even traveled to different parts of the state to audition for a few orchestras. I landed some great jobs as a green professional, but all that singing with no guidance led to vocal demise. I eventually was unable to sustain a note. I decided to pay Ms. B a visit, and she quickly realigned my voice! I began visiting with her more frequently to keep my voice in place.

As the voice became more consistent, I began to get gutsy. I hired a high school choir to perform with me, I held Christmas recitals, and I did joint recitals with colleagues. I auditioned and was accepted into a small, local opera company. My musical skills were improving greatly, and it showed. I soon was invited to perform in what would be my orchestral debut. Talk about cloud nine1 In retrospect, I was mediocre at best, but at the time I felt like I was really on my way. It was at this time that I began to give opera and recital work my total attention in preparation for national and international auditions. I would practice everyday, study scores, go to coaching sessions, you name it. Then, my feelings for music changed. Music became a job. I looked to it to give me sustenance and financial support. I looked at it as my livelyhood. It became emotionally draining, and it wasn't fun like it used to be.

Music is an all-consuming artform. It takes every bit of energy out of you. If you devote yourself to it, it is impossible to devote yourself to anything else. This was the problem I had. I would eat, sleep and live music, but my interests in family, health and fitness, and medicine all fell by the wayside. I could not find balance...and if you cannot give music 100 percent of yourself all the time, you need to find something else to do. I knew that I wanted to revisit my love for medicine, and I knew I wanted to get married and have a family. I decided to put music on the backburner until I had achieved my personal/academic/professional goals.

It's Official!

*****Newsflash*****

I absolutely, totally, completely hate my job!

I've heard for years how nurses are overworked and underpaid. Well, I'm not a nurse, but I do know that CNA's are some of the hardest working healthcare professionals there are...and the pay is pathetic. Today I had 15 patients to care for. I ran up and down the floor all day, only had a twenty minute break, and was still told that there was something else I had neglected to do. Duh! I wonder why...maybe it's because I'm being overworked!

I wish it were easier to find a hospital based position, or a private office position. I'm currently looking for ways to land that type of job. I need a position that will give me a fair workload. I need a staff that likes to teach. I need a position that will better prepare me for PA school. This nursing home stuff isn't working for me anymore.

Typical Monday

So, I arrived home, and was instantly greeted with the smell of New York Strip steak and polenta. Yum! The cop cooked...thank God. If it were left up to me, we would have starved tonight.

Today was a good day at work. No call outs, all hands on deck, and Jack wasn't there to shout orders at us. Jack is the nurse who thinks he's a doctor. I can't stand it when people have God complexes. What makes them think that the rest of the world is dumb as a box of rocks? I love the patients that I work with. They are a joy! However, I don't feel challenged at all at my job. I guess I'm not supposed to feel that way. It's about getting the work done as fast as you possibly can. Very little mental stimulation, and no critical thinking required. It's driving me crazy!

I've been trying to decide whether or not to tell my coworkers about my acceptance to PA school. I remember reading a thread somewhere about a nurse who had been accepted to medical school. When she shared the news with her colleagues, she got various responses. Some were sincerely happy for her, while others were jealous. As bad as I want to shout from the rooftops that I am going to PA school in one year, I know I will not get the support I am looking for from my colleagues. I could easily see the "jealousy" thing happening to me, and that would make working conditions much worse.

Now that I know I'm going to be attending PA school, shadowing has taken on a much more important role in my life. I've been shadowing consistently since the beginning of the year. My favorite PA to shadow is Holly. She works with a Liver Transplant team. I have never seen such a cohesive group of medical professionals in my life. The PA's are treated as PA's...not medical assistants or scut workers. They practice medicine! I've made an appointment to shadow with Holly this Friday! I'm so excited. This is just the thing I need to get closer to feeling like a true professional...closer to feeling like a PA! I'll be sure to write about it.

Reflections

It's a peaceful Sunday morning here: partly cloudy with a mild breeze. It reminds of my first trip to Italy.

I was 19 years old at the time. Trips abroad always begin the moment you step foot on the plane. It's like traveling through a time warp. I remember flying over the Atlantic Ocean at night, looking out of my window and seeing nothing but blackness. It was invigorating! I had never been outside of the US, and here I was, 19 years old, getting paid to sing in a foreign land. Those...were...the...days! I remember the wonderful greeting we got at the airport, and the 4 hour bus ride to the hotel...and the meal that awaited us! You have never had pasta until you've had the real thing. I know I gained at least 5 pounds on that trip!

I remember getting up early to have breakfast: croissants with jam, select cheeses, juice. I lived to eat breakfast every morning. It was my rite of passage! I would get dressed, meet Rachel in the lobby, and together we would head to the center of town and hit every shop in sight. I remember all the gifts I bought for my family. At night we all would get dressed and head to whatever venue we were performing in. We sang everywhere: museums, concert halls, churches, outdoor stages, the Vatican. The concerts were always standing room...always. People would lean against the walls and sit on the floors to hear us. I was still young and naive at the time, and had yet to understand what I had become a part of. I remember one concert in particular. The church was breathtaking, filled to capacity. The spirit was flowing freely, and we all were in great voice. Every song we sang was in English. By the end of the concert, every single Italian in the front row was in tears. Silent sniffles and sobs echoed throughout the hall. It was as if they knew exactly what we were singing about. They did! Music is the universal language.

What I remember most is walking the cobblestone streets in the countryside, picking flowers, watching cats nap in the window, seeing lovers share cups of coffee at the corner cafe, inhaling the smell of freshly baked bread, watching the sun rise and the outdoor merchants set up shop, and...siesta. What a life! Here is where I found peace, joy, contentment, relaxation...God. Now that I am older, I am amazed I had such an opportunity so early in life. It all came and went so quickly that at times I wonder if it ever happened at all. Who am I that I would be chosen to live this life? I am truly blessed.

The Cop

I celebrated my one year wedding anniversary in September. We really didn't do much, because I was too busy preparing to travel 10 hours north to my PA school interview. So I packed, and he watched television...and that was how we celebrated! My husband is the perfect guy for me. He has been a source of support from day one. He is smart, insanely funny, silly, strong (and in great shape, might I add), and yes...he's a cop!

He's been a cop for two years now. Absolutely loves the job, but the stress of dealing with everyone else's problems every day takes its toll sometimes. Frankly, I just don't see how he does it, although when you think of it, being a cop is similar to being a PA in many ways. He is one of the hardest workers I know. I admire his work ethic, his commitment, and his dedication. He will be a great father when the time comes. He's already a great husband! So, when I mention "the cop" in future posts, you guys will know exactly who I'm talking about!

He was so proud to hear that I got accepted to PA school. He was the first person I called from the parking lot at my job! I was pacing back and forth, up and down...I'm sure my coworkers thought I was crazy. I know he is proud of me, but I don't think he realizes just how stressful a time it will be for the both of us.

We have already decided that when I go to school, he will stay behind. As much as I would like him by my side, I want him to stay here. There are no words that can describe just how supportive this man has been. Applying to PA school is EXPENSIVE and TIME CONSUMING. All the courses I've taken, the studying, the two hour communte to and from school, GAS prices, the CNA certification course, the final exams, the application fees, the interview preparation...he's endured all of this with me, and has been supportive all along! Staying behind will give him the opportunity to focus on his dreams and his goals. He deserves it. Besides, we will get to see each other every now and then. I don't know if every married couple could do it like this, but we will be just fine!

After Shock

It feels so good to have two consecutive days off work. My feet need the rest! I'm still pinching myself to see if I'll wake up from this "dream" I'm in. Did I really speak to the Admissions Coordinator, and did he really say I had been granted acceptance to PA school? Is this some kind of sick practical joke, or did I pull a fast one on a lot of people?

The vast majority of readers will understand what I'm talking about, but others may be wondering why I haven't fallen off cloud nine yet. Applying to PA school is not like applying to other programs where getting in is pretty much guaranteed. For instance, one wouldn't have to apply to 10+ schools to get into a good English program. Take my school, for example (which I will reveal at some point): they received over 700 applications. Out of those 700+ applicants, only 150 were interviewed. From those 150, 30 are given seats in the program. Yes...30. This scenario is the same across the country at almost every single PA program. I believe there are now 141 programs in the US.

The typical applicant is a college graduate with approximately 3 years of direct patient care. GPA's can range from 3.0 to 4.0. Think typical overachiever, Type A personality, straight A student. In addition to a great academic resume, one must possess excellent interpersonal and communication skills. This is why the interview can make or break you. It is not uncommon for applicants to apply to 8, 12, 20 schools.....and still be denied entry; it's simply that competitive. I wouldn't say my resume is standard: I'm 28 years old (a bit older than most of my competition), still completing my undergrad degree (most of my younger counterparts already have degrees), and my grades are above average. Yet, I have been accepted to the only school I have applied to, the first time, during my first application cycle. Unbelievable! It's amazing, because I felt an affinity to this particular school long before I set foot on campus. I could see myself there, and I felt home there during the interview. It was as if I knew I would be accepted, even though all the literature and statistics said otherwise.

What sets me apart from the other applicants? This was a question that was asked of me during my interview. My answer: "Everyone who applies to PA school has drive, determination, and a passion for this profession. I think what seperates me from all other applicants is my background. Music has taught me so much and has given me so much. It has afforded me the opportunity to travel and familiarize myself with the differences between races, cultures, and ethnic backgrounds. This will serve me well as a practitioner. I used to kick myself for dropping out of college with one class left to complete my degree, but now I understand what an integral part that played in developing the person I am today. I am grateful for the path I have taken. It has made me a better person, and I know it will make me a better Physician Assistant." I finally feel like all the pieces of my life are coming together. I feel like I finally know where I am headed. It's a great feeling.

The Musician: Part 1

I never dreamed that I would pursue a career as a musician. I had made up my mind at age 8 to follow the footsteps of one of my idols, Dr. Ben Carson, and become a neurologist. I entered college (the first time) as a pre med/biology major. I left college as a vocal performance major!

Polar opposites, right? Well, not for me! I've always been a little off...

I can't really say I discovered my vocal talents. I don't even know how my major switched from pre med to music. In retrospect, all I know for sure is that I ended up exactly where I needed to be: the right University, the right voice teacher, the right piano teacher, the right opportunities. Divine intervention! By the end of my freshman year, I was a true blue music major, a member of the University Choir, and among a handful of selected singers chosen to perform in one of the world's most renowned singing groups. I was always going somewhere. One week we would be in Kentucky, the next California. I spent my spring breaks in New York City, and my summers in Spain, Italy, or in a recording studio. Those were the days! Music became everything to me. All my friends were musicians, and most of what we did involved music. It was in college where I was introduced to opera and art song. I credit my voice teacher, Ms. B, for this. From the beginning she instilled in me a respect for this music. I became her disciple. Whatever she told me to sing, I sang. Whoever she told me to listen to, I did. I remember spending late nights in the practice rooms singing and perfecting my craft. It wasn't that I had faith in my talent. Ms. B believed in me, and that's all that mattered. I would study the scores of the classics I looked forward to singing one day: Die Zauberflote, La Traviata, La Sonnambula. I listened to every record I could get my hands on. When I left college, I left in pursuit of a career as opera singer extraordinaire!

Reality sets in

I did it! I've done the impossible; I've beaten the odds. I've been accepted to PA school!

These are the thoughts that ran through my mind last night as I lay awake in bed. I haven't been this fired up in a long time. Getting into PA school is not an easy feat, let alone getting in the first time you apply at the first school you apply to. I am truly blessed. In retrospect, I have really earned this. I have always tried to be as modest as possible, but the truth is I worked my butt off to get into school. Anyone pursuing a seat in a PA program has worked extremely hard. All the science courses, the phonecalls, the follow up phonecalls, the shadowing, the parking fees, gaining healthcare experience, asking for letters of recommendation, meeting application deadlines, making flight and hotel accomodations for interviews....it is overwhelming. But boy, is it all worth it!

I work at a long term care facility as a CNA. I wouldn't call it the best direct patient care experience one could get, but it has certainly taught me the value of humility and service, both of which are necessary in healthcare. I have met some phenomenal people: former homemakers, authors, linguists, gemologists, nurses. Each patient has a story to tell, and I try to absorb as much as I can. Today when I walked into the building, everyone and everything looked different. I had a pep in my step and a cheesy grin on my face. Even coworkers who irritate me daily could not steal my joy! I simply focused on my patients, and kept reminding myself that one day, instead of being limited to dressing and feeding them, I will have the skills and training to diagnose and treat their illnesses. Simply amazing! Moreover, I don't have to wait a year to begin my PA education. It began years ago, when I first stepped foot onto a college campus. And it continues today. Every book I read, every lecture I hear, every patient I advocate for, every day that I live...all of it is a part of this journey to competence! Simply put, being a PA is not enough. I want to be the best!

Introduction

My journey from music to medicine began about two years ago. My faith in my musical talents was beginning to dwindle, and I was growing weary of the fitness profession. I wanted and needed a change; I needed a career that would allow me to make positive impressions on the lives of others, and pose daily challenges. So, I turned to my first love...medicine. After sifting through the numerous healthcare careers available, I came across the Physician Assistant profession, and was instantly intrigued. The more I read, the more I knew this was the career for me. And here I am, one year away from embarking on my journey to becoming a certified, competent Physician Assistant.

I have created this blog for many reasons. It will serve first and foremost as a resource for those who are interested in pursuing a career as a PA. There are loads of blogs out there written for and by student doctors, but very few for pre-PA/PA students. I also would like to use this blog to demonstrate that PA students come from all walks of life. I am not what one would consider a typical PA school applicant! Finally, this blog will be a place where I can come and vent my frustrations and concerns.

I have one year before PA school begins, and I need all the time I can get. Relocating plans, completing my degree, finishing prerequisite courses, and gaining valuable patient care experience will keep me busy and focused. I look forward to telling my story, and reading and responding to comments. That is, of course, if anyone happens to stumble upon this blog. Happy reading!